When I started on my spiritual path 25 years ago, I studied for many years in several holistic therapies and taught meditation and I felt I knew everything. Despite of this knowledge and understanding I realise now I hadn’t fully awakened to the things I was teaching, my spiritual life and my everyday life were separate and I couldn’t figure out how to connect the two of them. My relationships never worked and I attracted abusive alcoholics and I couldn’t understand why. I spent 7 years away from men and concentrated on teaching and my spiritual life but as soon as a man came back into my life they would pull me away from my truth. In the end I gave up and went back to trying to fit in and I started drinking and smoking more and more, my relationship with an alcoholic had broken me and the constant emotional turmoil was putting a strain on me.
Then the dreaded diagnosis came 2 years ago. I cannot even begin to explain the emotions, the fear and the immense anxiety and depression a cancer diagnosis puts on a person. On the day I was diagnosed I gave up smoking, drinking, and sugar and became a vegan. I immediately went back into my true self with good nutrition and daily meditation. The journey I have been on has been truly enlightening. Finally I awakened to LOVE true immeasurable love, the true love of my life! That love came from me to myself and I discovered that love is not only personal it’s transpersonal. Love allows you to be who you are with no judgement. The judgement is what had stopped me from truly awakening, my own judgement of myself, my own inner voice of criticism and also the judgement of God, how I perceived God/the universe had an enormous effect on my consciousness.
I actually found my core wound and went deep within it and found that I hated myself. When I worked with a Qigong master I learnt the healing breath and breathed slowly into my tan tien, he called this central energy force “home” bringing my energy back into me, back home. I was fully aware of how I constantly escaped from myself, escaped from feelings by either comfort food, television, social media. All of this was an escape route away from me, instead of having all my energy in my head on worries and fear I started to put my energy back into my body. Then I sent love to all my organs. Deep breaths moved my rib cage back and forth and as I breathed slowly and deeply it felt like my inner organs were being massaged by this gentle rocking of the rib cage. I sent love to every part of my body and I realised I had been sending the energy of hate to my sexual organs because of the abuse I had learned to hate myself and think parts of my body were ugly.
Every cell in our body has a consciousness and listens to our thoughts, we are the God of our own bodies and when we have negative feelings towards ourselves, our bodies react and disease can start to take place. When we are over run with stress and negative emotions our bodies respond and go into full alert. Peace and love brings balance to our bodies, researchers are now finding different chemicals that are activated when we feel love or connected to ourselves, others and the world, these chemicals have a healing effect on our body. Our emotions and state of mind are vital for our health and wellbeing.
Take a moment every day to slow your breath and send love to all of your organs and every part of your body, this will really transform your life and will awaken you to love. There is also a transpersonal love that most of us call God/ the universe or life itself, I’ve felt this transpersonal love and when you truly open up to this you rest in Grace. I never knew what Grace meant until I felt the transpersonal love that is all around us and within us. Everyone is connected to this love and can experience it. All you have to do is slow your breath and feel love all around you, people will feel this in different ways. A lot of people feel it as a loved one who has passed, this is because everyone and everything is part of an eternal loving presence, and so your loved ones are part of you and will be with you for eternity. All spirit/God/the universe wants is for you to open up to this love and you can do this at any time, just quiet your mind and allow the energy to touch you.
Fall in love with yourself; feel loving energy around you and you will be able to lean back into the flow of Grace which will lead you to purpose and connection to yourself, others and the world.
Fall in love with your uniqueness that makes you you.