I have been an alternative therapist for 25 years, teacher for 15 and a writer of self-development books for maybe 7 years. I know how important health and wellbeing is and for a while I was healthy, happy and successful. Until I met a man! It was evident that whenever I met a man my whole world would go upside down and I would lose myself.
For some reason, I picked the abusers and the addicts and my integrity and self-worth would always shrink into a tiny being that was unrecognisable. I always forgot who I was and I was never true to myself. After I left my recent abusive relationship 3 years ago, I had a lot of inner work to do! I had spent 7 years with a man who had put me down and his only goal in life was to drink as much as he could daily. I went from being a successful teacher to working part time in a pub. How could I have undervalued myself so much? I hated myself! I hated that my daughter was witness to this abuse and lived through it and because of this I felt immense guilt and deeply depressed. The only person to blame was me! I should not have allowed this man into our lives and I should of valued me and my daughters life more! For the years that followed I would cry every night full of guilt and self hatred. This was not healthy! Not only had I let a person put me down I was now hating myself and my body.
It took cancer to finally heal the wounds of self -hatred. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in August 2015 and I did everything I could to research natural cancer cures for my mum. It turned out her tumour was only 1cm and surgery and radiation saw the end of it. Half way through my mum’s radiation treatment on the 16th December 2015 I too got diagnosed with breast cancer which wasn’t the same as my mums. My tumour was 5cm and I had tumours in the armpit, chemotherapy was my only option. I stepped away from traditional medicine for 6 months. During this time, I did a lot of self -healing, I took a year out to heal me and love me! and I had to really face my fears and negativity and really forgive myself and heal the guilt I held within my heart. For the first 6 months of 2016 self hatred and fear overwhelmed me. I thought I was being punished for my bad decisions in life and every night I thought I was going to die. I stayed strong for my daughter who spent most of her time with friends, she totally distanced herself from me when I got diagnosed. We all deal with shocks and fear differently and her way to cope was to distance herself.
So, over time I sank into a routine of daily meditation and mindfulness, positive affirmations and a healthy lifestyle. I learnt that meditation and affirmations kept me positive and lifted me away from the fear. Despite of this it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that I really started to love me!
On August 31st 2016 I was told my cancer had spread to the lymph and bone and was now terminal. I was now going to have injections every 3 weeks and a bone infusion and take a chemotherapy tablet called Tamoxifen. From that day, I made sure I had two or three healings a week. I would Reiki my food, my bed and house whenever possible. I would go for long walks on the beach and breathe loving energy into my body. I used the emotional freedom technique to free myself of old patterning and beliefs.
The true meaning of loving you, is honouring your body. This is the most important thing in the world. Without your body, you wouldn’t be here in the physical. We can totally transform our lives for the better by listening to our inner universe, Ive totally transformed my life by doing this. Our bodies are a miracle. When the ego mind takes over us it often tells you to do 20 or 30 things in the day and you will hear an inner voice of “got to do”. In fact, your mind sets you up for a fall every time because it can overload you with things to do and then you feel frustrated when you haven’t achieved the impossible task. Your body likes to rest, it likes to be pampered, it likes healthy food, it likes fresh air and it likes to be loved. Surprisingly it’s the opposite of what your mind is saying especially when addictions are involved. I often ended up in a pub instead of writing when my ego mind was at its strongest.
So, daily I slow my breath right down, by doing this I nourish my organs. I love my body more than I ever have done, I am in awe of its miraculous beauty. It works so efficiently without any input from me or my mind and it works for my best interest and keeps me alive! I now talk to my body and say “wise body I love you” and it feels good, it’s like my body responds with an inner hug, I can feel a warmth inside when my body responds to my love.
I watched a wonderful video where the breath creates a movement within the body, I watched as the rib cage moved and rocked the liver gently back and forth like a gentle massage. Breath work is like an inner massage of all your organs, muscles and bones. Then as you breathe you send love to each organ. This really is the first step in healing yourself and connecting back to your body. I’m going to start teaching this to cancer patients because the method I have learned is so powerful and effective. I want to help others through this fearful journey and really help them to experience loving themselves against all odds. How many times do we criticise our bodies or ignore and abuse it? Love you!
Thich nhat hanh (a Buddhist monk) talks about mindfulness within the body, he says we are like a tree, the trunk is our body and the branches are our mind. When there is a storm (depression) we need to bring our energies to our trunk of the tree and not the branches. He talks about bringing our energies to our tan tien which is a place of great energy in the centre of our being. It’s a place of warmth and really connecting back to you.
So now my body comes first! If my body is not up to it, I’m not doing it! Now I love every part of my body. I love me for all my flaws and I can see the beauty in each one of them! and by doing so I can also see the immense beauty in others, with acceptance and love and no judgement.
Love yourself, you have the miraculous gift of life within you! You are a miracle!
Say to every part of your body “I love you” and see what happens 😉