Wednesday morning I was getting ready to meet my friend Sarah to talk about setting up a charity called Cancer Support. The postman was early today and I heard the letters fall to the floor. I checked the mail and I saw that one of them was from the hospital it contained my tumour marker results. As I opened the letter I went into shock and panic, my tumour markers had risen dramatically to a high level, I started to have a panic attack and hyperventilate. This could mean that my cancer had now spread to stage 4. I cancelled my friend and just sat and cried as I repeated “oh my God!”
I managed to calm down and decided to wait until the next day when I had an appointment with my oncologist and my cat scan results would show exactly what was going on. My friend Hazel who has supported me through this whole journey came with me. I sat in the chair waiting for the results, I was hoping for the best, but unfortunately he confirmed what the tumour markers had shown, I now had stage 4 cancer that had spread to the bone and lymph. A memory of a conversation I had with a friend echoed in my mind, she told me her mum had breast cancer and then said “once it had spread to the lymph that was it” My mind was now overloaded with panic and dark thoughts!
I spent two weeks in deep depression and I know all the self help gurus say to keep positive but the fear, the pain and the depression is immense and it needs to be released. Shouting and crying is what I did for 2 weeks. Finally I slowly lifted myself out of it and started to look forward with more positivity. I was now going to receive regular hospital treatments every 3 weeks. I also decided to re-train and take charge of my mind with regular meditation, positive affirmations and mantras. I had seen a documentary on a man who was in an aeroplane accident and he had over-heard the doctors telling his family that he would be paralysed from the neck down for the rest of his life, he couldn’t even swallow. This man thought “I still have my mind, and if I have my mind I can beat this.” So every minute of every day he concentrated on re-building himself. One year later he walked out of the hospital and was totally cured. His name is Morris E Goodman.
With the knowledge that people can heal through the power of thought alone has influenced me to try whatever I can. Firstly using the power of the mind and then communicating with my body by connecting to my cells consciousness. I am eating organic fresh food, receiving medical treatment and also raising money to receive immunotherapy. Oh yes! and balancing my chakras and hara line and working on an energetic level too! I will be fighting this cancer on every level possible. Im living it and breathing it every day!
I have found a mind programming protocol that fits into my life; which consists of an I am mantra for 30 minutes in the morning and at night, followed by a meditation. This I can do regularly.
I set myself a task of walking along the beach for an hour every day but it seems to only happen once a week at the moment so Im really trying to fit this into my life no matter what, fresh oxygen going into the body and the power of the breath is also very healing. I also created a vision board, I have done this for years and found that it works 50% of the time, so Im focusing on good health and also using a Buddhist mantra that welcomes blessings into my life.
For 3 days I forgot to do the “ I am” positive affirmations and I felt quite depressed. I have experienced more uplifting emotions and thoughts when I use positive affirmations and meditation on a daily basis.
Core beliefs: As a therapist I always loved finding and healing peoples core beliefs and when I started as a hypnotherapist and past life practitioner I watched many people change their lives through just one session. So Ive worked on core beliefs on myself but never really healed them 100% because Ive been too busy etc. Recently I used the emotional freedom technique and Ive healed 3 core beliefs that may have led to me having cancer! The first was “life is a battle” I believed that life was a struggle and I found I was always fighting with people in some way or another and couldn’t understand why, I was spiritual, I focused on love, so why did people battle with me? Because my core belief was “life is a battle”. This is now healed, it took 2 or 3 sessions of EFT and now I feel totally different about life! I love life and I love the beauty and magic of nature, I almost feel in awe of it! And now I cant even comprehend why or how I had that belief. I always said as a therapist and teacher once you have found your core belief you have healed 50% of it! You have to be true to yourself and let go of the ego to find it.
My second core belief was “I hate myself” and “everybody hates me” I also had this belief that God was judging me and didn’t like me much!?! I am not sure where these beliefs have stemmed from or when they started, Im guessing in childhood. Unfortunately this core belief has effected my life in huge ways! A lot of time was spent in abusive relationships and now I understood why! If I hated myself then my partners would reflect that self hate back to me! A German doctor said many cancers come from extreme emotion or shock, breast cancer can sometimes relate to abusive relationships in a persons life, or a shock within a relationship. This is just a theory but I wonder if people researched peoples emotional lives at the time of cancer diagnosis what would come up?
One positive thing that has come out of this cancer journey is that its helped me eliminated all these beliefs and value myself more in a compassionate way, I no longer have to prove myself or try and change myself to fit in. I can be true to myself and others. Ive used EFT and mirror work to help this healing process.
I can truly say from my heart that I have encountered enormous loving compassion this year. People are helping me and its …. well there are no words to describe peoples generosity and warmth of spirit its heart warming, its humbling, its miraculous!!!! Some people have so much love to give it makes me in awe of them!
So through my deepest fear and my darkest moments I have seen nothing but love and beauty. My perceptions have changed about life, the world, people and most of all of myself! And now Ive learnt to truly love me and give myself time and healing and not feel guilty about it!
So Im writing this message to you! Release emotions, let go of dark thoughts and heal your life and most of all love you 😉 Because you are loved more than you know 😉 AND LIFE IS A GIFT so make the most of it!