The Phoenix

2016

The Phoenix:
All hope is gone and you feel empty and numb
The darkness enfolds you, what will you become?
All is lost and you can see no way out
The ashes lay lifeless and you question what life is about

The phoenix turns ashes into fire
Something inside awakens and begins to transpire
There is a light within us that wants to rise
Something so powerful, it will reach for the skies

The phoenix exists within us all
The power of the phoenix gives us strength to stand tall
When you find the light and fire within
You will find your truth and then your life will truly begin

Vanessa Carter

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The first day

After a restless sleep, I open my eyes and feel the sun shining into my room and into the 5 windows. I walk over to the windows to embrace the magnificent view that unfolds before me. The rolling hills and the large beautiful river sparkling in the sun and in direct view a huge pine tree. It is so still that the scene looks like a painting before me. What a blessing Charles has looking out on this loveliness every day. For breakfast we have organic gluten free, sugar free muesli with sheep’s yoghurt and blueberries with a green smoothie to wash it down with. We sit in the conservatory, which looks out onto the river and the hills, there are a few boats in the distance. The boats are still, the only movement is from the soft breeze falling upon the branches of the trees, so the trees sway gently and rhythmically almost dancing in the gentle light wind.

Charles picked me up from the station yesterday and for my first night’s stay here he invited me to stay at his house and then I am staying at a Guest House just around the corner from him. I was surprised when I arrived at his house that he actually lives in a small mansion and owns 40 acres of land! Wow! The Guest room is twice the size of my bedroom at home and it has a bathroom and changing room attached. There are 5 huge windows which curve around the front of the bedroom and a settee and massage chair is in the room. I’m gobsmacked! I’ve never encountered anything like this before!

I spend the whole morning walking along the grounds, my appointment with the doctor that Charles recommended is at 3pm so I have plenty of time. Joining me I have 3 dogs, a Labrador who belongs to Charles and the other two belong to the people who work in the accommodation nearby. The company is called energy dots part owned by Charles and they provide attachments to put on your phone to stop the bad vibes. As I walk along the grounds I am followed by three dogs who are also playing and running around freely. I take photos of the splendour around me, but pictures cannot really portray the energy of this tranquil place. It has such peace, tranquillity and a kind of divinity about it. I sit on the bench at the front of the house, I breath in the beauty around me, it’s like being in a painting, I feel high and truly at peace. The immense beauty and tranquillity brings tears to my eyes as I start to think about my auntie who died 24 years ago of cancer, I remember the last time I saw her. We had all gone shopping and she walked over to some flowers and I watched her as she closed her eyes and smelt each one, she was absorbing life with all her senses, I could see that. Here I sit on a bench doing exactly the same, absorbing and embracing heaven on earth which many of us fail to see when we are stressing and focusing on every day tension, we kind of miss life by getting caught up in worry and pressure.

The fresh air has enlivened me before I see the doctor. I call a taxi and the driver is a Swedish lady called Anna. We have an in depth conversation and when she finds out that this is my first day, she decides to give me a guided tour as we travel into Totnes. She tells me all the history of the place, she even stops and starts showing me photographs! I didn’t mind paying for the extra 5 minutes of her stopping and pointing and pausing in the middle of the road to show me photographs. I decide I really like this woman, she is quite a character and I will use her taxi in the future. She drops me off at the wrong place as I embarrassingly find out, the receptionist of the clinic points me in the correct direction. The clinic is above a kind of hippy café that sells smoothies and vegetarian food and has a television in the middle of it that shows lapping waves and gentle music is playing. I walk up three flights of stairs and wait for my appointment.

Dr Stephen Hopwood is a medical doctor and Chinese herbalist who practices in acupuncture, Chinese herbs and nutrition. Stephen also ran a sky channel called Paradigm Shift. So on first meeting Stephen he asks me questions that are obviously to do with my medical condition and we talk about diet, sleep patterns etc. The first thing he advised me about was that the thyroid is an essential part of the immune system. A result of having a low thyroid is cold hands and fatigue. The session was interesting and informative. I then get a taxi back with Anna and go to the guest house in Stoke Gabriel which is on top of a small hill and absolutely gorgeous with the magnificent views that Stoke Gabriel is full of. The owners are John and Helen who are originally from Leeds. I’m hungry, so I ask them where the best place is to eat and she advises a pub at the top of the road and then tells me to use the torch on the keyring on my way back. I walk into the church Inn, it’s a small pub and I order a crab sandwich and half a Guinness. I eat and then I walk back. There are no street lights in Stoke Gabriel so I torch my way back. I don’t feel frightened at all walking in the darkness, this place has such nice energy, I feel an inner calm and peace. I settle into my room ready for tomorrows acupuncture session.

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Food for thought

9th March

It has now been two weeks since the localised chemo and it totally knocked me out.I felt sick for the first couple of days and then for the next two weeks I laid on my couch with no energy at all, I couldn’t even walk my dog, just taking her round the block left me breathless. My energy levels were really low and today is the first day I’m starting to feel normal again and I have an appetite for lots of food. A steaming hot curry is on the pan cooked with all fresh ingredients, garlic, ginger, turmeric, cumin, tomatoes, onions, red chilli peppers and peppers with organic chicken and brown rice. The smell of the spices and the thought of the goodness that’s within this food makes my mouth water and I sit down and watch a film whilst enjoying my immune boosting curry. It’s raining outside and I feel warm and comforted. This only lasts a moment as I have to pack my case again and go to Devon. I pack slowly and calmly and start to think of my plans for the future, it’s getting quite scary now, what do I do to heal? I try and focus just on the next 30 days, I will concentrate on boosting my immune system and then I will see what happens in April, I haven’t got enough money to go back to professor Vogl at the moment. I start to think how I can make some more money, I need to have one more treatment with Dr Vogl, mistletoe injections and vitamin c injections to really boost my immune system and its vital to have a blood test with Dr Sharma to see what will heal my cancer. Total £8,000 all I can do is try and raise the money. If I don’t… then what? I start imagining the worst outcome, I try and focus on my mission and erase any negativity swimming around in my mind, I can’t let fear overwhelm me. I’m focusing on healing and being perfectly healthy. I visualise this and start saying positive affirmations. In the evening I relax and drink lots of green tea, when I go to bed I listen to hypnotherapy recordings. I have to train my brain and my subconscious that I will become better no matter what.

The next morning, I get ready to leave, my train leaves at 12.17pm. I have to leave my little dog again, this makes me sad, she looks up at me with sad little eyes. I give her loads of kisses before I go. Jasmine went to work early and didn’t even say bye, this saddens me.

On the train I think of the journey I have been through and where I am now, I feel like I haven’t got anywhere fast, with only one treatment under my belt and wasting my money on the Hufeland Klinik which could have been spent on something better ….. I have no money coming in and this concerns me. At the same time, I know I’m being helped and I have to trust! I know I’m being looked after by something larger than my mortal self, something divine and loving.

What I have learnt so far about cancer treatments is;

Chemo: Chemo works for some and not for others. Those that it does work for get extremely ill and it totally depletes the immune system and kills healthy cells. With Dr Vogls work he only treats the cancerous cells and leaves healthy cells intact, the treatments are also 5 times more effective so less treatments are needed. I have met and spoke to many people who underwent chemo and their cancer came back a few years later. An oncologist report has said that chemotherapy is 30% effective. So if it works for 30% of people, what about the other 70%? And having death as a side effect, how can it even be regarded as a successful treatment?

Hyperthermia and localised hyperthermia: This treatment is supposed to be very good it heats cancer tumours to forty degrees and cancer cannot survive in these conditions. Hyperthermia can not be found in the UK so Germany is the only option to receive this treatment.

Mistletoe Injections: I have seen lots of videos and news articles that have said mistletoe injections have cured them and it works exceptionally well alongside chemotherapy by reducing the harsh side effects. Mistletoe boosts the immune system to a high level. Susan Sommers who is an American actress swears by them. So I must give them a try. I have contacted a few clinics in London but consultation plus injections are costly.

Vitamin C injections – This boosts the immune system to a high level and helps fight cancer cells. Again they are available in London but costly (around £150 each)

Gcmaf – I have to research this more, it has been recommended to me by a couple of people and I will write more about it once I have thoroughly researched each treatment.

CBD oil – Cannabis oil alone has not cured anybody that I know of but some people have gone through a gruelling protocol of using the oil and suppositories that have been carefully calculated for their height and body weight and it costs thousands of pounds to do it properly. I spoke to one girl in America who has lung cancer and she said it’s a long process, she said the side effects are fatigue and nausea BUT her tumour has shrunk by half in 4 months and her tumour markers have reduced considerably. Some people have the idea that smoking cannabis has the same effect. It doesn’t! I also know of three other people who tried this healing method alongside chemotherapy and unfortunately died. So there has been a lot of hype over cbd and it does help to calm you down and its very good for anxiety, fear and stress which are all part of the cancer journey. So I recommend the oil to help with these ailments. If you are truly dedicated to the suppositories and months of treatment, I know that people are curing themselves through this process so it might be worthwhile. I would like to research this method more.

Diet: It’s taken a while through trial and error to really find the food that suits me. Food that boosts the immune system and detoxes the body. I’ve still got to master the perfect green smoothie! But apart from that I always eat organic food. I eat loads of fruit and vegetables, broccoli every day for the indole 3 carbinol which has anti-cancernogenic effects and also lowers oestrogen levels. I have green powder that includes chlorella, wheatgrass and spirulina and I drink lots of lemon water and green tea. I now take supplements as recommended by the doctor of: Astragulus, Magnesium, I try to have 1,000mg of vitamin c every day, I was advised a very high dosage of vitamin D, selenium, I take hemp oil and flax oil for vitamin E and omega 3 and omega 6. Plus, an antioxidant blend. All these are from the company Viridian or Pukka as all of their products contain no sugar or preservatives or toxic chemicals that the cheap vitamin tablets contain. So I am very strict with my diet but I do still go out with friends and have a coffee and treat myself to soup, a wrap or chips whilst I’m out. I feel a lot better within myself by changing my diet and of course I have NO sugar at all! I don’t eat bread or cereal because they have huge amounts of sugar in them. It’s been a total life style change. I wish I had done it earlier to prevent this cancer from happening in the first place.

So as I think of my future plans to heal, I finally arrive in Devon. This place turns out to be the most healing experience I’ve encountered so far.